Even if our society today confronts the topic of sex with seemingly so much tolerance and openness, there still are several areas which meet with common disapproval.  SM is one of them. The general view of SM looks, exaggeratedly, about like this:  There is the "evil" dominant part - the culprit - and the "poor" obsequious part - the victim. Out of some reason (that is propably to be put down to a pathological fixation from childhood) this spineless being submits all power over itself totally to its partner. He reacts - how else, being only human - with getting 'high on power', so to speak, a high that drives him to beat and torture his victim. And the obsequious part, that submitted himself hopelessly to the hands of this lunatic, reacts with resignation and simply endures the agony. And the sick part about it is: both of them are turned on by this!  Just a clear markedness of sexual perversity, a mental illness: Sadism and masochism.  Well, that is an opinion that is not really surprising and in some sense even praiseworthy, since it illustrates that we indeed live in times where men and women have the same rights and live together as equal partners for the most part.  That now particularly this taking equality for granted, this certainty of love, leads to such a kind of sexuality, might sound odd. But still it is the case.
When I write about SM, I mean a self-created sexuality, not what is the common practice in the SM scene. But I will stick with the term SM. I like it, this word. Since the letters can not only be interpreted as Sado-Masochism, but also as Sexual-Magic. And not all, but many of our sessions can indeed be called acts of sexual magic.  The structure of it was the one of a ritual, both partners were with it with all their attention and concentration, and the whole had one clear goal: Extasy, unity! I would describe it as follows: we used the basic structures of sadomasochism and transformed it into sexual magic.  But let's first look at the terms "dominant" and "obsequious" a little closer:  In an SM-scenario the roles are given out as follows: The dominant part, that is also called active, and the obsequious part (passive). Not all sadomasochists always take the same roles (Primary role), there is also the so called "switching", which means that you change your role each session, depending on partner, time, place, whatever. With us this was not the case.  We both had our primary roles, he was dominant, I obsequious. The Obsequious now submits all his power to the Dominant for a certain amount of time that was agreed on in advance. He agrees that at the beginning of the session (some call it a game - but that implicates such a lack of seriousity) he loses all his usual rights. He puts his fate completely into the hands of his partner and is willing to do or leave anything the other demands from him, and obey all rules the other draws up.
	What drives a person to do something like that? Curiousity maybe, the appeal of the new /unknown /unexpected ? The challenge of doing something you would not be capable of usually? The thirst for adventure, the thrill of an unpredictable danger? Whatever it is, you can only experience it for yourself.  In any case, one ability is imperative if you want to venture this step: The ability to surrender totally! I cannot stress it often enough, that it is never about standing/ enduring/ bearing in SM, but only about one thing: about lust (or, consequently, about extasy). The art is not to bear the pain but to transform it into lust! A second point that is imperative for such a session, or, in this case, for the willingness to surrender, is the complete and unreserved trust in your partner! Without it I consider it impossible at this point to open up to your partner in this way and surrender totally.  The greatest task for the Dominant is now not to fall into a "high" of power , even if he does have the ultimate power over another human being. But quite the reverse, keep the discipline and selfcontrol at any point, not losing it even for a second. A SM-scenario can be described best as a walk on the tightrope, a continuous dance along the red line, the border, too little and it gets boring, too much and it all breaks off. Thus it takes the full attention - from both sides!  Just like the Obsequious tries hard to overcome more and more borders within him, the Dominant has to be careful that he sets these limits high enough, but not too high.
These materials were kindly provided by Fra. Io-Soth-Al and Sr. Laiiwa. All copyrights for the images are by Marquis de Corvus The Marquis. Thank you all!