Homosexuality

Another tabu beside SM and fetish if homosexuality. Despite apparent acceptance (homo mariage, 1st of august 02 in germany) in the society, in private circles homosexuals are still mobbed, barred and defied. This is causing major psychological conflicts, which is leading me to the main topic of this essay: What is going on in the heads of homosexuals? It’s very different for everyone, but I think you can divide the minds of homosexuals into two groups: Group 1: For homos of this first group it’s absolutely normal not to be normal. They accept their sexuality and get mostly positive feedbacks from their environment. Group 2: For these people it’s hard to accept their homosexual preferences, maybe because they were educated in an ancient style, which means that mother and father told them that being homosexual was an illness and not normal. Often there are barrings of homosexuals in their environment. The first homosexual desires come at the same time with other sexual desires, so normally during puberty. “Normal” people then imagine having sex with the other gender, homos imagine it with the same. But that’s also the case with heterosexual adolescents. Especially girls who don’t want to blame theirselves during the first kiss with their boyfried try it out with an other girl before. The reasons for homosexuality aren’t 100% clear. It’s temper or education, scientists think. But they all agree on one point: Everyone is born bisexual!!!

To write about my own feelings is pretty hard for me, because I’m emotionally blunted. My “first time” I had with about eight years. It was nothing but a game for me, and also for my partner and so noone of us had an orgasm. With about nine, there were the first lesbian approaches. She was sixteen and had much more experience, and with her I had my first orgasm. I didn’t think it was something bad, but one day my mother surprised us while we were kissing and she inderdicted to see her again. I felt very guilty and becan to cut myself because I hated myself and because of my “perversion”. In school I then beat other children because for me there was no other way to get rid of my frustration. When I came into high school, I made myself an outsider and hid in a dreamworld where I was totally normal. There were problems in school and I had to repeat the sixth class. During this year of repetition I had much time to think, which I spent with writing peoms and listening to Rammstein in my room. I only successed very close and in summer holidays I went to Austria with my parents and my brother. There I met a girl which was just unbelieveable. I was only wearing black for a long time and talked as less as possible. When I went to a restaurant with my familiy, she sat there on a chair, silent. She smiled at me, came over to me and guided me to the playground in front of the house. There, she first tried to talk to me, but then suddenly, kissed me. Suddenly, I was afraid again, afraid of my mother, the other and the things they would say. But for the other girl, this seemed very normal. (Which was suprising for a small catholic village in Austria). She took my fear away and showed me how to accept my feelings and what I am. Thanks to her I got a whole new perspective! Today, homosexuality is something absolutely normal to me and my friends, and I try to show this as many people as possible.

Thanks to Laura Laura for writing this text All rights for pics Anke Meier Erotic Paintings